hello world.

22 Jan

Yes, it’s me.  The lipstick lesbian.

Why am I here?  To represent a minority.

Women? Please.  There’s plenty of feminine activists still running around (I dated one of them)… they don’t need me.  Lesbian women?  They have Ellen De Generes, Rosie O’Donell and Janet Reno.  I think they’re covered.  Who will take a stand (wearing Manolo Blahniks) for all the pretty, feminine, dainty, lady lovers out there?  ME.  Okay, I’m not always fucking dainty.  But, I am an attractive (and modest), fashion conscience, hair do-ing, make-up wearing, lipstick lesbian.  Yeah yeah…Ellen does most of that too, right?  However, the true test is in the definition:

TLL Glossary word/phrase #01:  

lipstick lesbian–  a lesbian, that other lesbians, mistake to be straight

THAT’S how you know the difference.  Ellen can wear makeup all day long, but even in the closet, a toddler could take one look at her and its first word would be… GAY.

So, with all that being said, I want the world to know the truth.  Lipstick Lesbians are REAL.  We are not a myth, urban legend, or just the title of your boyfriend’s porn.

Welcome to my world… I’m eager to share my lipstick with you.  :)

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a blurry good week.

29 Feb

In the last seven days…

I have driven 800 miles between the four largest cities in Texas, saw a play, toured University of Houston campus…

met Brett Cullen (West Wing), created a “Mexican Soap Opera”, danced on a pole at a gay boy bar…

held a bunny, took care of my sick kid, photographed two newborn babies, the biggest belly i’ve ever seen and several plates of cookies…

slept in two different hotels, saw the amazing Chita Riviera, visited my aunt and uncle, tried kombucha for the first time, watched a terrible drag show, fulfilled PTA duties…

passed the one year anniversary of the death of a best friend, mentor and former lover  :(

attended The Column Awards, possibly cast in a reality television show, spent half a day at the korean spa, cleaned the loft, played dress up with Ryan and photographed it, reunited with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years…

hugged my mom, lost my keys, found out my brother and his wife are having their first baby, played with my rat babies, drank terrific margaritas and horrible white wine…

felt sad, elated, compassionate, cocky, humble, loved, cried and laughed my ass off.  What a wonderful week.

texas gypsy.

26 Feb

So effing tired, diary. Dallas to Houston to San Antonio to Austin to Dallas again. Will write more once I’m rested.
Peace out. TTL

how a naked korean woman rocked my world.

16 Feb

Dear Diary,

It kinda seems like a dream-mare.  You know, like a really freaky dream that’s a little disturbing but not scary and in the end you’re ok? Except it really did happen and I’m not just ok, I’m fanfreakingtastic.

For my birthday, a friend took me to the korean spa.  She said it’s a little strange and kinda cheesy, but by the end of the day my body wouldn’t care… and she was sooooooo right… about all of it.

Going in, we paid admission and got wristbands… just like Disney World (if it was in Korea).  Then we took off our shoes and entered a large room with a 200ft tall giant metal stallion, up on its hind legs displaying its huge horsey branch and melons.  Egad!  Strange sighting #1.

Once inside the womens locker room, you get naked and enter the bathhouse.  There is a half wall of etched glass of The Simpsons.  I’m certain there was one of Homer and Bart french kissing and another of Homer touching Maggie’s boob.  Strange sightings #2, 3 and 4.

There are lots of girls and women openly showering, sitting in the hot baths and on the massage tables.  Which leads to strange sighting #5…  I will not go into detail bc I refuse to talk negatively about anyone’s body, but I’ll give you a hint : elephant trunk boobs.  Ok ok, I don’t mean to offend you diary, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that this women’s mammoth sized saggy boobs had to be flung over her shoulders just to wash under them… For realz.  Is that better?

We shower and sit in one of the hot baths waiting for our number to be called for the body scrub and massage.  Ahhh.  The water is perfect and I begin to feel calm… as long as I avoid looking at the Simpsons or Snuffleupagus.

My number is called and I’m escorted to one of 15 tables lining the wall with naked women getting scrubbed, bathed and rubbed down.  At this point… I’m kinda freaking.  As instructed, I lay face down and my scrubbing begins by a naked korean lady.  Not totally naked, she was wearing the same uniform as the others: wet see-through bra and panties.  Naked enough for me to be uncomfortable.  For about 10 minutes…The full body scrub felt so wonderful, my uneasiness began to subside.

By the end of two hours I had been throughly scrubbed from head to foot, bathed, rinsed, face washed, cucumber masked, hot towel wrapped, massaged, walked on, scalp scrubbed, hair washed, conditioned and my whole body slathered with some kind of milky lotion.  As I dazily made my way back to the locker room, the wall of Simpsons seemed very Zen and apropos.

What had I been thinking?  This place is perfect.  From the odd cartoons, the steel horse balls and the naked koreans… I have never experienced anything more beautiful in my life.  If this were heaven, I’d kill myself now, go right back into the warm waters and wait for the angels in underwear to call my number again and again and again…

XOXO, TLL

passion fruit = happiness found.

8 Feb

My aunt Marta comes from a poor family with no education.  However, she’s taught herself to garden and care for plants, flowers and fruit trees.  She especially loves the challenge of growing Passion Fruit.

Not having a husband or children, she had lots of time to spend with her fruits… talking to them, stroking them, even occasionally kissing them… because that’s how much she loved them.  They thrived on the intimate attention she gave them and over the years they began to change shape.

People have taken notice and some are critical, but aunt Marta believes that this new fruit formation is truly a blessing from God.  “Every night I’ve prayed to God to help me find the void in my life, and once found, show me how to fill it.  Now I have and it feels absolutely wonderful.”

She wanted me to have just a taste of it as she cut a small hole in the tip and instructed me to put my mouth to it and suck the sweet fruit juices out. Something about it felt very uncomfortable and unfamiliar to me… so I passed.  But I know a lot of people that do like it. Love it even. To each his own I guess.

Who would have known how something as simple as gardening, could change a persons life.  I’m so happy for you aunt Marta!

(that was fun. now here’s the real story)

Image

iphotos- january

7 Feb

So i was doing my monthly iphone photo dump and thought i’d share a few from jan.  Then i thought i might do it every month.  eh, we’ll see how it goes…

You’re probably wondering “what’s up with the rats?”  I would be.  My sweet daughter thought giving me rats for xmas was a splendid idea.  Did i ever ask for rats? No. Talk about rats? No. But one time we were in the pet store getting supplies for the 8 bettas she rescued from impending death in her Environmental Science class (kids were leaving them at school over winter break.. no food for two weeks=  certain death).  While I waited for her to interrogate a worker on proper betta care… I wandered off to look at animals.  She found me looking at these two baby rats curled up in ball together sleeping.  I commented about how cute they were (along with the chinchillas and the guinea pigs) and we left.  I guess thats when she decided I needed those rats.

The truth is… when my GF and I separated over the summer I left behind our two dogs and three cats. I live and work in my loft now, so having clients come in with animals roaming around and jumping on them is not ideal.  So being pet deprived and all, she figured rats would be perfect (and they were cheaper than chinchillas and guinea pigs).

I wasn’t certain about them at first, but they are so cute and cuddly I fell in like with them fairly quick.  They’re pretty freakin adorable. :)

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